Time to have your daily LoLs, so let’s get moving with some shorties.
* What word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly? Incorrectly!
* What does a boat do when it gets sick? It goes to the dock! Yep..it do.
* If seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay? Bagels!
Surgical Advice: A woman who worked for a veterinarian was about to have knee surgery. She was nervous about it and so decided to ask her vet boss if he had any advice for her. Without much time he advised, “Just turn your worries into prayers, get plenty of rest, and don’t lick your incision!”
Creating chaos: A surgeon, an engineer and a politician were arguing about which of their professions was the oldest. The surgeon says, “Eve was made from Adam’s rib and, of course, that was a surgical procedure.
The engineer countered quickly, “Yes, but before that, order was created out of chaos, and that post certainly was an engineering job.”
The politician smiled, then smirked, and said triumphantly, “Aha! And just who do you think created all that chaos!”
Nuff said, and one for we ‘oldies’…
The Joy of Being Over 70:
* Kidnappers aren’t really interested in you.
* Friends call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
* Things you buy now won’t wear out!
* You do enjoy hearing about other peoples’ operations.
* You sing along with the elevator music.
* Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either. And the grande finale …
* Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. OK, enough da kine.
* Grandma calls and announces that she will be coming by for a visit in about half an hour. When she comes in she is surprised to see her grandson running to her excited and hugging her with all his tiny might.
“What is it, Eric?” she asks.
“Now that you’re here, grandma, we have everything!”
“Whatever do you mean?” asked the surprised granny.
“When you called, Mom said, ‘That’s all we need right now!’ So, now that you are here, we have all we need. That’s great!” (Kids can be so smart!)
* Here’s a great prenuptial agreement if any of you are looking. An elderly couple reaching their 70s are about to get married for the first time. But before the ceremony, the woman wanted to have a serious talk. She says to him, “I want to keep my house.”
He responds,”That’s fine with me.”
She then says, I want to keep my Cadillac.”
He again responds, “That’s fine with me.”
She then says, “And I want to have relations six times a week!”
He smiles and says, “Put me down for Friday!”
Time for da pau joke?
* Carolyn, a rich woman, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport. She drives he car perfectly during the day, but at night, the car just won’t move. She furiously calls the Jaguar dealer after a week of such. They send out a mechanic who examines the car and finds nothing wrong. So he turns to the woman and asks, “Ma’am, are you sure you are using the right gears?”
Full of anger, she replies, “How on Earth could you ask such a question? I’m not stupid, you know! Of course I’m using the right gears, I use D during the day and N at night!”
Yep, best I stop right here! Aloha friends, a hui hou.
Shay Bintliff, MD, writes a weekly humor column for West Hawaii Today.